to the boy who made me a mother

To the one who made me a mother: nothing could have prepared my mind for the love I have for you. Before you, I'd never known the sensation of actually feeling like my heart could burst - it's so totally cliche, but if you're a mama, you know what I'm talking about. I didn't have to fall for you - one second you weren't here and the next you were, and I was completely smitten.

To the one who made me a mother: who knew a person could exist being simultaneously incredibly grateful and at their wit's end. Even at the end of a long day - maybe one where you've been especially fussy and I feel like I'm losing it - I lay you down to sleep and sometimes, just stare at you thinking how amazingly blessed I am that I was chosen to be your mommy.

To the one who made me a mother: waking up to you makes everything good. My most favorite part of every day is hearing your morning babbling, walking over to your crib, and seeing that big, toothless grin spread across your face as if to say, "Good morning, mama". No matter how the previous day went or what lies ahead, every morning is happy with you in it.

To the one who made me a mother: you've made me fall in love with your dad in completely new ways. Sure - I'd be lying if I said that it hasn't been difficult adjusting to our new life that looks quite different than it did when it was just the two of us, but when I see him with you and how much you two adore one another, I melt.

To the one who made me a mother: even though I sometimes think about how much simpler the times were before you were here... not having to time outings around a nap, being able to eat an entire meal while it's hot... I've never once wished I could go back. Quite the opposite, I can't imagine a life without you in it. It's almost as if I didn't exist before you. Life with you, little man, is exciting and exhausting and unpredictable and so much fun.

To the one who made me a mother: I am utterly and completely in awe of you. As you grow and I see you discover the world, I beam with pride. You roll over, and I applaud you with clapping and hoopla. I watch as you study your own hands and the movements they make, and I wonder what must be going on in that head of yours. When you give a deep belly laugh, I'm filled with joy.

To the one who made me a mother: You already watch my every move. When I eat, you study how I bring food to mouth. When I talk, you study my lips and move your tongue around trying to mimic my words. I pray that I can be an example to you not only in these simple things, but also in how to be kind and loving and good.

To the one who made me a mother: I'll never not be a mother again. The years of "me" are over, and I am eternally part of "us". There will be moments when I'm doing something alone, without you - I may enjoy a spa day or take a trip with your dad or go to work - but even these "me" times are really for us. So I can be the best version of myself for you or so that we can set a better example as parents or so I can help provide for our family. Some women worry about losing themselves as a mother, but I feel like I've found new pieces of myself that were always there just waiting to be uncovered. 

To the one who made me a mother: thank you for giving me the gift of getting to celebrate this holiday with you. I feel like I've joined an exclusive club - it puts you through the toughest initiation, but it also has the greatest reward. I love you, little one, forever and ever, to the moon and back, more than anything in this great big world.

Happy Mother's Day to all the mamas, waiting-to-be mamas, grandmamas, stand-in mamas... May your day be filled with love and happiness!